Know what I just realized?

My undergrad honors thesis, the one I spent the entire year on, was just over 9000 words.

I have had five weeks to write this 8000-word paper.

Soon, I'll be writing 16,000 words in the space of two weeks.

Hmm.

I would do this in a table, but I don't know how

A Comparative Analysis of Research Essays 1 and 2, In Bullet Point Form

Research Essay #1

• Topic: Critical Period Hypothesis and Second Language Acquisition
• Length: 8000 words
• Timeline: 6 weeks
• Experiment/data analysis required?: no
• Most time spent: at home
• Research: finished in the first 2 weeks
• Writing: all done in the last week
• Contact with supervisor: 4 meetings, total
• Supervisor: helpful and encouraged me to come in
• Amount of time spent thinking about essay: constant while in Cambridge, then forgot about it for 2 weeks when I was at home
• Grade: 65 (solidly average)

Research Essay #2

• Topic: Does Musical Training Affect Musical and Phonological Short-Term Memory? (or something like that)
• Length: 8000 words
• Timeline: 5 weeks
• Experiment/data analysis required?: yes
• Most time spent: in Cambridge
• Research: experiment design = 2 weeks, data collecting = just over a week, data analysis = 4 days (still ongoing), literature review = not started yet
• Writing: not started yet... probably will take place in the last week
• Contact with supervisor: insecure emails sent every 2 or 3 days, which he apparently doesn't read as he doesn't answer any of my questions
• Supervisor: not helpful, makes me feel stupid for not understanding/knowing what's going on
• Amount of time spent thinking about essay: constant, except for those 4 days I was in Portugal...then it was only sporadic
• Grade: to be determined... it better be higher than the last one, is all I have to say...I'm working my ass off here.

When will it all end??

Well, hello there.

It's a good thing blogs aren't alive; I think even a goldfish would die after almost four weeks of neglect. I suppose the lack of blogging could be construed as:

• (a) Real life is so wonderfully fulfilling and joyous that I don't feel the need to get on the internet.
• (b) Real life is crappy and as I don't want to come off as incredibly whiny, I refrain from posting.
• (c) Real life is insanely busy and I would rather sleep than blog.

Hint: It's not (a)!

So, February. School has been school, by which I mean it's continuing to be difficult and the profs are becoming increasingly insufferable. The more time I spend here, the more I realize that people here are snobs and quite two-faced. And having spent so much time in (painfully honest) Germany, the whole fake-smile-over-the-top-niceness thing is really annoying. The Brits are polite, I'll give you that, but they definitely don't tell you what they think.

Anyway, there are now two and a half weeks left in the term, then one more term and I'm done. And I'm pretty sure I'll be done after this master's; at this point, I feel the PhD is not for me. Another three years of this place, where it's all about theory and no one has any connection to the real world? No thank you. Though it would be cool to work on a project of my own choosing, and I've got a pretty great one picked out, I'm missing the practicality of the real world. That being said, if anyone wants to grant me full funding to work on this project, I wouldn't be incredibly averse to that, either...

On the employment front, you may recall that I got turned down for that job at the beginning of the month? Well, all the students in the department got an email from the HR people at the CUP two weeks or so later, saying that they 'weren't able to fill the position' and thus had reposted the position. So not only did they not take me, but they would rather hire no one than hire me. Awesome. So that was fun.

I've been kind of half-heartedly searching for jobs since the CUP incident, and have come to the conclusion that this degree will not help me achieve a decent salary range after all. There seem to be some interesting-looking jobs in the NYC and DC areas, which is good, but the cost of living is so high in these places that I'd be living in a shoebox. Not a refrigerator box, mind you, but a shoebox. It's gotten so depressing that I briefly considered going back to MN... because at least I know I'd have a job there and could possibly pay my student loans off before I die. And then I remembered that I left that job for a reason. Moral: A master's degree is apparently not worth it.

In other news, I'm playing in this musical this weekend, and rehearsals have lately been taking over my life. Seriously, these people have been so disorganized it's horrific. Case in point: On Monday, the orchestra call time was 7.40pm and we were supposed to run the show at 8. When I showed up, they hadn't even finished building the stage yet. We didn't start until 11.30pm. Needless to say, we were there until 1am, and again until 1am yesterday. Somehow, I always remember these types of activities as being more fun than they actually are... and of course being in this is preventing me from going to both a boat race and a friend's party this weekend. AND I've invited friends to come see it, but only one or two have actually said they're coming. Dude, if I had real friends here, they'd come see me. (or, perhaps more accurately, I'd force you them to come see me)

See, this is why I haven't posted for so long. On the plus side, though, I've started going to the gym this month, so yay for that. Three times a week, and I've only missed one day so far! I will totally be a supermodel by the time July rolls around. Of course, then I won't be able to afford a vacation at the beach, so it won't matter anyway.

Congratulations, universe. You win.

Lesson #1: All those vibes you put out into the universe do come back to get you. Case in point: Research essay... you know, the one that I put off until the last week of vacation. I've been saying all along that it'll pass, but I'm not sure how good it is. I've also been saying that though I'll be elated if it gets above a 70 (in the range of 55-75, above 70 = a qualification for the PhD program, below 60 = failing), but I'll be content if it gets a grade mid-60s or above.

I got a 65.

On some level, I'm fine with this; it's right in the middle, fairly decent grade, and I'm at Cambridge, so that's pretty good. And I probably deserve it, since I did procrastinate a lot.

But.

This means the pressure is on for the other big essay; I have to get a 70 or above if I want to get into the PhD program. Also, as much as I am sort of content with this grade, it is lower than the grades on my previous three unassessed essays. And the comments are not nice; I don't think I got any positive feedback.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is I don't know what to think. This makes me not want to go for the PhD, because to be honest, I don't feel like dealing with that kind of stress right now. I'm not sure that I want to do it anyway. Also, this is not exactly motivating to work on the essay I have due next week, or to do reading for class. I'm just feeling sort of blah.

Guess I was taking it more seriously than I thought.

Job/school/life update

Hello! Long time, no see! Wow, have I missed having a decent internet connection. Actually, though, it's not that crucial; I can find ways of amusing myself that don't involve facebook, email, or frivolous blog entries. They're just considerably less fun. Without further ado, some updates:

(1) Job: So they contacted me right before I left town, scheduling an interview for tomorrow morning. Luckily (?), I had a huge research paper to write over the vacation, so I didn't stress out about this... too much. And then I turned in my essay, and I realized how little I've prepared for this; sure, I have the nice professional outfit, but that's not too helpful if you don't know WHAT YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION IS. Heh. So I've been doing a bit of that, and they sent me an email today, asking to reschedule, as one of the managers is sick. Since I kind of want this to be over, I'm a bit disappointed, but the rest of me is vastly relieved. Not only do I have a bit more time to research now, but I can finally catch up on my sleep. Jet lag and working like mad on essays have a way of draining you. I'll keep you (all?) posted.
*ETA: Rescheduled for next Wednesday. A whole week to freak out prepare, yay.

(2) School: Exhausting. That essay was almost the death of me... nothing like procrastinating so much that you have to write an 8000-word (25-page) research paper in a week. Heh. I don't recommend it. However, I still got someone to proofread it, and was finished by midnight on Sunday. So really, not that bad, but combine that with jet lag and it's not good. Also, I'm starting to second-guess the essay. Oh well, guess there's not much I can do about that at this point.

Also! I am understanding way more in class than I was last semester! It's pretty great to start out on a good note, unlike last time, when I had no idea what was going on.

(3) Life: Vacation was super, minus the essay. The two weeks of doing nothing were superb: nothing but sleeping, reading interesting (non-class-related!) books, eating delicious food, and broadening my cultural horizons with such film classics as 'Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures.' It was most righteous. It was actually really great to come back, though, to my house as well as to see folks in class. It's kind of like we've all relaxed a bit; maybe because we all know what we're getting into this time, as opposed to in October.

SLEEPING IN TOMORROW, hooray!!

How not to run an experiment involving participants:

• Let them sit and wait while you finish preparing the computer program.
• Don't make small talk with them or appear at all interested that they are real people outside of your study, and as such, have other things to do.
• Don't tell them about your experiment, what you are studying, how this is interesting, etc.
• Don't give them any directions, just tell them to put on the headphones and follow the instructions on the screen.
• Don't tell them approximately how many questions they will be answering at a stretch, or when they can expect to be done.
• Don't check up on them at all, just let them answer question after question after question after question...
• Keep foisting other tasks upon them, again not giving them warning about how many tasks they'll have to do.
• Make them answer MORE questions, after they've clearly gone through the list already but the computer somehow hasn't stored all the data.
• Make them answer MORE QUESTIONS AGAIN after you and the participant have already agreed on a stopping point.
• Give them a questionnaire at the very end, just when they thought they were finished.
• Ask them to come back next week for another part to the experiment.

Seriously. This is how post-doc research is done? I guess 'PhD' does not equal 'common sense and respect.'

Thursday.

Thursdays are always seemingly endless. Five hours of class, a meeting with my supervisor, a guest lecturer, and a concert... none of which I'm going to write about right now because I'm pretty tired. But I resolved to post something because I'M NOT GOING TO FAIL ON THE SECOND LAST DAY OF NABLOPOMO. So there.

Every single time I've typed NaBloPoMo this month, I've misspelled it. Also, every time I type it, I think of Michael Scott's quote from 'The Office', something like: 'One day, she's not yo' ho no mo'.' I think this should be the name of next year's NaBloPoMo.

Also, last day of class today. Hooray! Now time to write that PhD research proposal and get going on that giant scary research essay. Hooray...?

Things that can drastically improve my mood:

• Doing WAY better on the dreaded semantics essay than I'd ever expected! Further proof that not knowing what I'm talking about is much better than having a cohesive argument. Plus, it was 'very well written.' Whee!
• Hanging out with people from my course, with whom I can gripe about said course and who don't make me feel inferior.
• Making people laugh.
• Understanding what's going on in class and being able to explain it to others.
• Realizing that I have actually learned a huge amount this term.
• Knowing that there's only one more day of class left.

And finally:

• Really nice Belgian beer. Mmm.

November is the longest month ever, thanks to NaBloPoMo

All right, so we've reached the point in November when NaBloPoMo has ceased to be fun, and it's now just a matter of principle that I'm going to post every day for the next seven days. (only seven!) It's been a busy week here in Grad School Land, and I can tell that it's time for a break because I'm starting to have a really short temper.

One of my housemates was asking me for help on a cover letter, which I'd already helped him revise two weeks ago and then AGAIN Wednesday morning when I got up early (on my day off!) to look over it for him. So he wanted to redo one of the sentences and asked me what I thought, I told him what I would say, and he was like, 'No, I don't like that, what else can I say?' I said something like, 'You know what? I've got nothing else. It's your cover letter, say whatever you want to say.' Seriously, if you don't agree with me, that's fine, but don't ask me for help then. I'm not going to do your work for you.

I'm also starting to get really annoyed with myself, which is a little weird. Like right now, I'm skipping a talk that I'd wanted to go to, but I just couldn't bring myself to bike all the way over there. Which I know is lazy, and it's only really hurting myself, etc., etc. I just can't be bothered... figured I'd save my energy for the ceilidh I'm playing in tonight. Hopefully that goes well, or I'll start questioning my very existence. Again.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here.

Apparently I am better off writing crap essays than actually knowing what I'm talking about. Or at least thinking that I know what I'm talking about. So much for a 'well-constructed argument'.

Anyway. Today's Wednesday (hooray!) and some folks from College and I are off to Oxford. The College here has an exchange with a college there, so they came here a few weeks ago, and we get to visit them today. Hopefully it'll be nice and sunny (like it is here at the moment) so we can look around a bit and take some decent pictures. Also, hopefully some nice people from their college will actually show up so it's a real exchange and not just a really, really far field trip. Nothing like bonding with fellow classmates during 5 hours in the car.

That's all I've got right now. Pictures to come...given it's still daylight and the weather's decent by the time we get there.

Essay update II:

Done.

Hey, it's Tuesday! Guess my blog post for today is done.

Essay update:

Words written: 1206
Words remaining: 793
Time logged: whatever it's been since the last time I posted

Time to analyze the semantic use of German alle vs. jede/r/s! Woo!

You know you love NaBloPoMo.

Once more with feeling

Essay status:
Words written: 758
Of those, words that are total crap: 758
Words to go: 1242
Time logged: it feels like an eternity

Shoot me in the face.

ARGH.

WTF, semantics? Why must you hate me so? Why can't you and my brain just get along? Why do I not understand a single thing in this topic?

So I've been reading articles about the difference between 'each' and 'every'. Apparently there's a difference. I don't think there is. Therein lies the problem.

I'm seriously considering not doing this one. It's unassessed, so it won't hurt my grade, though not doing it might make me look bad. Honestly, though, I don't know if this is worth the effort.

Bleurgh.

Two days, two boxes of cookies

So I finished that job application today. And after working on it all day yesterday, it only took me four more hours today. Seriously, this is way too much effort for a job that I probably won't even get and am not entirely sure if I want. Oh well, at least I have a decent an improved resume and a less-vague idea of how to write a cover letter out of the deal.

But now half of my weekend is shot, and I haven't even started that essay on semantics that's due on Tuesday. And if syntax is the bane of my existence, semantics is a mini-bane, syntax's younger sibling, the one who I'm trying really hard to like but we're just on two different wavelengths. Tomorrow is not going to be a fun day.

Also, I've eaten two entire boxes of cookies so far this weekend. Luckily they were the only two that I had, so there's no danger of doing the same thing tomorrow. Unless I stop at Sainsburys...

So... it's Tuesday.

And with Tuesday comes the weekly debate over whether or not to go to Irish dance. I had class and other assorted academic events from 9.30 until 5.30, just finished dinner, and (would theoretically) have to leave in 10 minutes or so for dance. Every week, I have the choice between (a) going to dance and (b) sleeping, and to be honest, (b) sounds pretty good right now. Except taking a nap at 7.30 is definitely not smart. And I need the exercise. (though that sounds less than tempting right now) I'll probably end up going, it's just a matter of dragging myself back outside in the cold... yeah, this is making me want to go even less. Heh.

Also, I'm supposed to help Ceilidh Band folk make music folders tonight, but I don't know if I'll last that long. So I'm weighing the feeling of duty/guilt against the desire for this day to be OVER already. Which will I choose? Stay tuned.

(PS-How exciting is my life? This is what you get when you sign up for NaBloPoMo.)

This is the part where NaBloPoMo gets incredibly boring.

Sorry, folks, I've got nothing today. No exciting things happened in my (admittedly somewhat self-centered) world today. Turned in the essay (hooray!), went out with most of the people in my class to celebrate, and am taking the night off.

With tomorrow comes the next essay, and tomorrow will be Crazy Busy^TM, but that'll all happen soon enough. For now, I'm going to find some way to entertain myself that does not involve schoolwork.

Essay update: (wow, aren't these fascinating)

Time logged: almost 2 more hours
Words written: 1998
Words remaining: none!
Status: one more read-through, and Bob's your uncle! (heh) How do you like that ability to stay under 2000 words?

Also, it's only 9.45. Awesome. However, I'll try not to get too complacent until I get this thing back next Monday.

Essay update:

Time logged: another hour
Words written: 1326
Words remaining: 674
Status: I just finished dinner and chatted with Jamie for about an hour... ready to sit down and finish this bad boy. Er, in a minute, after I check my email.

Essay status:

Time logged: 2 hours
Words written: 969
Words remaining: 1031
Status: between 1/2 to 2/3 done, I'd say... in only two hours! If this keeps up, I'll be able to go to bed at a decent hour tonight. Also, I'm feeling way too confident about this, especially since syntax is my worst subject. We'll see what the result is next week...