Lesson #1: All those vibes you put out into the universe do come back to get you. Case in point: Research essay... you know, the one that I put off until the last week of vacation. I've been saying all along that it'll pass, but I'm not sure how good it is. I've also been saying that though I'll be elated if it gets above a 70 (in the range of 55-75, above 70 = a qualification for the PhD program, below 60 = failing), but I'll be content if it gets a grade mid-60s or above.
I got a 65.
On some level, I'm fine with this; it's right in the middle, fairly decent grade, and I'm at Cambridge, so that's pretty good. And I probably deserve it, since I did procrastinate a lot.
But.
This means the pressure is on for the other big essay; I have to get a 70 or above if I want to get into the PhD program. Also, as much as I am sort of content with this grade, it is lower than the grades on my previous three unassessed essays. And the comments are not nice; I don't think I got any positive feedback.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is I don't know what to think. This makes me not want to go for the PhD, because to be honest, I don't feel like dealing with that kind of stress right now. I'm not sure that I want to do it anyway. Also, this is not exactly motivating to work on the essay I have due next week, or to do reading for class. I'm just feeling sort of blah.
Guess I was taking it more seriously than I thought.
25 January 2008
23 January 2008
Relief.
The interview was this morning, and to be honest, I'm trying to figure out what I should say about it. There weren't any warning signs that said "Run away! You shouldn't take this soulless, awful job!" but I didn't have an epiphany, or come to a realization that this is the perfect job for me. If anything, I'm even more uncertain about it; there are some really cool aspects (Working with books for a living! Doing something I like in a field that is interesting! Working for a prestigious organization for what appears to be a decent salary!), but there are also parts of the job that I don't really care for and/or am not very good at (networking, communicating well with others, having to live an ocean away). I kind of wish I had the opportunity to try it out for a few weeks and see how it goes, and then make my decision. I suppose that's the entire point of the "probationary period", but it's tough to leave straight away after that without feeling like a failure. Anyway, I guess that's not my decision to make at this point; the woman with whom I interviewed said that she'd let me know her decision next week.
Here's the weird thing, though: I think the interview went well. (!) All right, not abnormal for most people, but I get really nervous under pressure and freeze up, sounding like I don't know what I'm talking about. This time, they asked me concrete questions I could answer (for the most part), I think my answers went over fairly well, and my experience seems to fit with the job. It's actually rather odd how well this job and I (on paper, at least) match up. But the really strange part is that I wasn't too nervous; I was just thinking, 'Well, I guess I'll just chat with these people and if they like me, great! If not, oh well.' Does this mean I've become (*gasp*)more confident? Does it mean I'm a grown-up? Strange things happen.
That being said, though, I came home after it was over, ate lunch, and totally fell asleep for two hours. Guess it was more stressful than I realized.
Here's the weird thing, though: I think the interview went well. (!) All right, not abnormal for most people, but I get really nervous under pressure and freeze up, sounding like I don't know what I'm talking about. This time, they asked me concrete questions I could answer (for the most part), I think my answers went over fairly well, and my experience seems to fit with the job. It's actually rather odd how well this job and I (on paper, at least) match up. But the really strange part is that I wasn't too nervous; I was just thinking, 'Well, I guess I'll just chat with these people and if they like me, great! If not, oh well.' Does this mean I've become (*gasp*)more confident? Does it mean I'm a grown-up? Strange things happen.
That being said, though, I came home after it was over, ate lunch, and totally fell asleep for two hours. Guess it was more stressful than I realized.
15 January 2008
Job/school/life update
Hello! Long time, no see! Wow, have I missed having a decent internet connection. Actually, though, it's not that crucial; I can find ways of amusing myself that don't involve facebook, email, or frivolous blog entries. They're just considerably less fun. Without further ado, some updates:
(1) Job: So they contacted me right before I left town, scheduling an interview for tomorrow morning. Luckily (?), I had a huge research paper to write over the vacation, so I didn't stress out about this... too much. And then I turned in my essay, and I realized how little I've prepared for this; sure, I have the nice professional outfit, but that's not too helpful if you don't know WHAT YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION IS. Heh. So I've been doing a bit of that, and they sent me an email today, asking to reschedule, as one of the managers is sick. Since I kind of want this to be over, I'm a bit disappointed, but the rest of me is vastly relieved. Not only do I have a bit more time to research now, but I can finally catch up on my sleep. Jet lag and working like mad on essays have a way of draining you. I'll keep you (all?) posted.
*ETA: Rescheduled for next Wednesday. A whole week tofreak out prepare, yay.
(2) School: Exhausting. That essay was almost the death of me... nothing like procrastinating so much that you have to write an 8000-word (25-page) research paper in a week. Heh. I don't recommend it. However, I still got someone to proofread it, and was finished by midnight on Sunday. So really, not that bad, but combine that with jet lag and it's not good. Also, I'm starting to second-guess the essay. Oh well, guess there's not much I can do about that at this point.
Also! I am understanding way more in class than I was last semester! It's pretty great to start out on a good note, unlike last time, when I had no idea what was going on.
(3) Life: Vacation was super, minus the essay. The two weeks of doing nothing were superb: nothing but sleeping, reading interesting (non-class-related!) books, eating delicious food, and broadening my cultural horizons with such film classics as 'Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures.' It was most righteous. It was actually really great to come back, though, to my house as well as to see folks in class. It's kind of like we've all relaxed a bit; maybe because we all know what we're getting into this time, as opposed to in October.
SLEEPING IN TOMORROW, hooray!!
(1) Job: So they contacted me right before I left town, scheduling an interview for tomorrow morning. Luckily (?), I had a huge research paper to write over the vacation, so I didn't stress out about this... too much. And then I turned in my essay, and I realized how little I've prepared for this; sure, I have the nice professional outfit, but that's not too helpful if you don't know WHAT YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION IS. Heh. So I've been doing a bit of that, and they sent me an email today, asking to reschedule, as one of the managers is sick. Since I kind of want this to be over, I'm a bit disappointed, but the rest of me is vastly relieved. Not only do I have a bit more time to research now, but I can finally catch up on my sleep. Jet lag and working like mad on essays have a way of draining you. I'll keep you (all?) posted.
*ETA: Rescheduled for next Wednesday. A whole week to
(2) School: Exhausting. That essay was almost the death of me... nothing like procrastinating so much that you have to write an 8000-word (25-page) research paper in a week. Heh. I don't recommend it. However, I still got someone to proofread it, and was finished by midnight on Sunday. So really, not that bad, but combine that with jet lag and it's not good. Also, I'm starting to second-guess the essay. Oh well, guess there's not much I can do about that at this point.
Also! I am understanding way more in class than I was last semester! It's pretty great to start out on a good note, unlike last time, when I had no idea what was going on.
(3) Life: Vacation was super, minus the essay. The two weeks of doing nothing were superb: nothing but sleeping, reading interesting (non-class-related!) books, eating delicious food, and broadening my cultural horizons with such film classics as 'Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures.' It was most righteous. It was actually really great to come back, though, to my house as well as to see folks in class. It's kind of like we've all relaxed a bit; maybe because we all know what we're getting into this time, as opposed to in October.
SLEEPING IN TOMORROW, hooray!!
01 January 2008
2007: Year In Review
It's that time again: time to look back on the year and think about what you've done, what you wished you'd done, and what you're glad you haven't done. And now, I humbly present to you: 2007: The Year That Sucked For The Most Part, But Had Some Good Moments In It!
01 What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Taught first grade, chaperoned high schoolers in Europe, visited Budapest, moved to England for grad school… is that enough?
02 Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Looking back on last year’s ‘resolutions’, it appears I didn’t keep the ones I made. Or, at the very most, I sporadically kept them. I think I need to treat myself like a 6-year-old: set small goals that are easily measurable. As such, here are the tentative resolutions for 2008:
(a) Drink more water.
(b) Get some form of exercise at least 3 times a week. (Biking to class does not count.)
(c) Get out of the house more. (carried over from last year, but still needs to be done)
03 Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, my younger cousin. This made me feel very old.
04 Did anyone close to you die? No.
05 What countries did you visit? Germany, Austria, Hungary, Czech Republic, the UK.
06 What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? An idea of what I want to do with my life. Yep, I’m 26 and still have no idea!
07 What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 27, when I moved to Cambridge. Also, that day in October when I found out my dad had broken his leg. Don’t know the exact date, but that was pretty awful.
08 What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting into grad school at the University of Cambridge… one of my long-held ambitions!
09 What was your biggest failure? One really awful dinner party/night out in October… huge blow to my self-esteem. Let’s try to repress those memories, shall we?
10 Did you suffer illness or injury? Not serious ones.
11 What was the best thing you bought? Do student loans count? Not necessarily the best, at this moment in time, but paying for this Master’s will be a pretty good investment.
12 Whose behavior merited celebration? Müs graduated from college! Nice job, my friend.
13 Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My parents win this one. Not telling me about my dad’s injury until 2 weeks after it had happened was really a low point.
14 Where did most of your money go? I know exactly where: student loans. Also, the pound --> dollar exchange rate. Also, plane tickets.
15 What did you get really, really, really excited about? Getting into Cambridge! Also, when I got back my first assignment for the course and found out that I wasn’t as stupid as I thought I was.
16 What song will always remind you of 2007? Any of the songs I taught the first-graders toward the end of the year: the ‘Guten Morgen’ song, ‘YMCA’ (it’s not what you think) and ‘Alle Kinder lernen lesen’.
17 Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? In terms of my current professional/educational status: happier. At least I’m doing what I want to be doing, even though I’m not earning any money. Not very happy about the state of my personal life, though.
b) thinner or fatter? I have definitely put on some pounds. Hence the resolution about getting more exercise.
c) richer or poorer? Definitely poorer. Though richer in knowledge. (commence groaning at cheesy pun)
18 What do you wish you'd done more of? Made more friends and gone out more. This answer from last year still stands; some things never change.
19 What do you wish you'd done less of? Self-doubt and feeling stupid.
20 How did you spend Christmas? With the fam in B-lo. Of course.
21 "There is no question 21" Uh, what? This still isn’t funny.
22 Did you fall in love in 2007? Nope. Surprise, surprise.
23 How many one-night stands? Ha! Bets now being taken on this question.
24 What was your favorite TV show? Still 'The Office'. And may I just say, thank goodness for the writers’ strike; do you have any idea how many episodes I’d be missing otherwise?
25 Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, it takes a lot to make me hate someone.
26 What was the best book you read? I just finished The Book Thief (Markus Zusak) and The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini), both of which were amazing.
27 What was your greatest musical discovery? I became a new listener of Death Cab for Cutie and Enter the Haggis this year. Also, I’m a big fan of the newest Wir sind Helden CD.
28 What did you want and get? To attend this master’s program.
29 What did you want and not get? Full (or any) funding for this master’s program.
30 What was your favourite film of this year? ‘Once’ is pretty much the only movie I can remember seeing in the cinema this year.
31 What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 26, and I went out to lunch with friends, went mini-golfing (or Putt Putting, whichever you prefer) at the Science Museum, and went out to dinner. It was like the perfect 8-year-old birthday.
32 What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? From last year, but still accurate: Being appreciated by colleagues and parents of students.
33 How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Working: Khakis and nice shirts that generally didn’t require ironing. Currently: Lots of jeans and fleece. Or jeans and sweaters.
34 What kept you sane? Phone calls to and from friends. Also, those times when I wasn’t working: some of the summer, certain weekends during term, certain weeks when term ended.
35 Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Heh, British phrasing. I continue to be a big fan of John Krasinski.
36 What political issue stirred you the most? Stupidity in general annoys the crap out of me. (Still true!)
37 Whom did you miss? Pretty much everyone, since I came to England by myself.
38 Who was the best new person you met? My classmates are pretty cool, for the most part.
39 Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. People BS a lot, especially in academia. I am capable of more than I think I am… at least in a classroom setting.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. ‘I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest, so I can be for you what you want to see.’ – Ben Folds, ‘Best Imitation of Myself’ I played a lot of roles this year, and still do… maybe this year, I’ll figure out which one of them is actually me.
Happy 2008! Let's all hope it's a step up from 2007, eh?
01 What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Taught first grade, chaperoned high schoolers in Europe, visited Budapest, moved to England for grad school… is that enough?
02 Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Looking back on last year’s ‘resolutions’, it appears I didn’t keep the ones I made. Or, at the very most, I sporadically kept them. I think I need to treat myself like a 6-year-old: set small goals that are easily measurable. As such, here are the tentative resolutions for 2008:
(a) Drink more water.
(b) Get some form of exercise at least 3 times a week. (Biking to class does not count.)
(c) Get out of the house more. (carried over from last year, but still needs to be done)
03 Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, my younger cousin. This made me feel very old.
04 Did anyone close to you die? No.
05 What countries did you visit? Germany, Austria, Hungary, Czech Republic, the UK.
06 What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? An idea of what I want to do with my life. Yep, I’m 26 and still have no idea!
07 What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 27, when I moved to Cambridge. Also, that day in October when I found out my dad had broken his leg. Don’t know the exact date, but that was pretty awful.
08 What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting into grad school at the University of Cambridge… one of my long-held ambitions!
09 What was your biggest failure? One really awful dinner party/night out in October… huge blow to my self-esteem. Let’s try to repress those memories, shall we?
10 Did you suffer illness or injury? Not serious ones.
11 What was the best thing you bought? Do student loans count? Not necessarily the best, at this moment in time, but paying for this Master’s will be a pretty good investment.
12 Whose behavior merited celebration? Müs graduated from college! Nice job, my friend.
13 Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My parents win this one. Not telling me about my dad’s injury until 2 weeks after it had happened was really a low point.
14 Where did most of your money go? I know exactly where: student loans. Also, the pound --> dollar exchange rate. Also, plane tickets.
15 What did you get really, really, really excited about? Getting into Cambridge! Also, when I got back my first assignment for the course and found out that I wasn’t as stupid as I thought I was.
16 What song will always remind you of 2007? Any of the songs I taught the first-graders toward the end of the year: the ‘Guten Morgen’ song, ‘YMCA’ (it’s not what you think) and ‘Alle Kinder lernen lesen’.
17 Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? In terms of my current professional/educational status: happier. At least I’m doing what I want to be doing, even though I’m not earning any money. Not very happy about the state of my personal life, though.
b) thinner or fatter? I have definitely put on some pounds. Hence the resolution about getting more exercise.
c) richer or poorer? Definitely poorer. Though richer in knowledge. (commence groaning at cheesy pun)
18 What do you wish you'd done more of? Made more friends and gone out more. This answer from last year still stands; some things never change.
19 What do you wish you'd done less of? Self-doubt and feeling stupid.
20 How did you spend Christmas? With the fam in B-lo. Of course.
21 "There is no question 21" Uh, what? This still isn’t funny.
22 Did you fall in love in 2007? Nope. Surprise, surprise.
23 How many one-night stands? Ha! Bets now being taken on this question.
24 What was your favorite TV show? Still 'The Office'. And may I just say, thank goodness for the writers’ strike; do you have any idea how many episodes I’d be missing otherwise?
25 Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, it takes a lot to make me hate someone.
26 What was the best book you read? I just finished The Book Thief (Markus Zusak) and The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini), both of which were amazing.
27 What was your greatest musical discovery? I became a new listener of Death Cab for Cutie and Enter the Haggis this year. Also, I’m a big fan of the newest Wir sind Helden CD.
28 What did you want and get? To attend this master’s program.
29 What did you want and not get? Full (or any) funding for this master’s program.
30 What was your favourite film of this year? ‘Once’ is pretty much the only movie I can remember seeing in the cinema this year.
31 What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 26, and I went out to lunch with friends, went mini-golfing (or Putt Putting, whichever you prefer) at the Science Museum, and went out to dinner. It was like the perfect 8-year-old birthday.
32 What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? From last year, but still accurate: Being appreciated by colleagues and parents of students.
33 How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Working: Khakis and nice shirts that generally didn’t require ironing. Currently: Lots of jeans and fleece. Or jeans and sweaters.
34 What kept you sane? Phone calls to and from friends. Also, those times when I wasn’t working: some of the summer, certain weekends during term, certain weeks when term ended.
35 Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Heh, British phrasing. I continue to be a big fan of John Krasinski.
36 What political issue stirred you the most? Stupidity in general annoys the crap out of me. (Still true!)
37 Whom did you miss? Pretty much everyone, since I came to England by myself.
38 Who was the best new person you met? My classmates are pretty cool, for the most part.
39 Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. People BS a lot, especially in academia. I am capable of more than I think I am… at least in a classroom setting.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. ‘I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest, so I can be for you what you want to see.’ – Ben Folds, ‘Best Imitation of Myself’ I played a lot of roles this year, and still do… maybe this year, I’ll figure out which one of them is actually me.
Happy 2008! Let's all hope it's a step up from 2007, eh?
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