Some day, when I win the lottery...

I would like to buy this entire website. Too bad my birthday just passed.

Excerpt of nearly 3-hour long conversation

Me (after finishing story about co-chaperone): Is this weird, or is this just me? Because I sometimes blow things out of proportion.
Jamie: Dude, this always happens to you!
M: I know! It's like I give off this 'helpless, please-protect-me' vibe.
J: You do; it's this 'fragile English rose' thing.
M (laughing): Are you serious?
J: I know because I'm the opposite, like 'I'll kick your ass!' The funny thing is that I'm more of the sensitive type, but you're liable to be like, 'WTF? Get away from me, you weirdo!'

News, in haiku form

This morning, I woke
Up, and I was twenty-six.
Funny how that works.

School is over now,
Except for some paperwork.
Freaking report cards.

I'm playing for a
Friend's friend's wedding next weekend.
This time, we'll practice.

The family for
Whom I'm housesitting are back.
They're leaving Sunday.

All my stuff is crammed
Into my room, so that the
Kids don't play with it.

I knew that one day, those hours of writing inane haikus in elementary school would come in handy.

They might not have to downsize our branch. And I could work here for years... and years... and... years.

What NBC "The Office" character are you? Your Result: Jim Halpert You are the kind of person that everyone likes. You are funny, laid back, and not bad looking. You love practical jokes and having a fun time with your friends. However, because you are so laid back you often let the things that are most important to you get away. I miss Dwight. Congratulations Universe, you win.
Toby Flenderson
Pam Beesly
Ryan Howard
Kelly Kapoor
Dwight Kurt Schrute
Angela Martin
Michael Scott
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