Hear that? It's the sound of my independence being yanked away

Conversation held earlier today:
Me: 'I have a meeting this afternoon at [local high school] with one of my student teachers.'
Dad: 'What time?'
M: '12.30.'
D: 'Well, I'll drop you off, I have to go to the store. I'll pick you up in an hour?'
M: 'O...kay.'

That was me, being dropped off and picked up at the high school, like a high schooler. You'd think the last ten years haven't passed at all.

Know what I just realized?

My undergrad honors thesis, the one I spent the entire year on, was just over 9000 words.

I have had five weeks to write this 8000-word paper.

Soon, I'll be writing 16,000 words in the space of two weeks.

Hmm.

I would do this in a table, but I don't know how

A Comparative Analysis of Research Essays 1 and 2, In Bullet Point Form

Research Essay #1

• Topic: Critical Period Hypothesis and Second Language Acquisition
• Length: 8000 words
• Timeline: 6 weeks
• Experiment/data analysis required?: no
• Most time spent: at home
• Research: finished in the first 2 weeks
• Writing: all done in the last week
• Contact with supervisor: 4 meetings, total
• Supervisor: helpful and encouraged me to come in
• Amount of time spent thinking about essay: constant while in Cambridge, then forgot about it for 2 weeks when I was at home
• Grade: 65 (solidly average)

Research Essay #2

• Topic: Does Musical Training Affect Musical and Phonological Short-Term Memory? (or something like that)
• Length: 8000 words
• Timeline: 5 weeks
• Experiment/data analysis required?: yes
• Most time spent: in Cambridge
• Research: experiment design = 2 weeks, data collecting = just over a week, data analysis = 4 days (still ongoing), literature review = not started yet
• Writing: not started yet... probably will take place in the last week
• Contact with supervisor: insecure emails sent every 2 or 3 days, which he apparently doesn't read as he doesn't answer any of my questions
• Supervisor: not helpful, makes me feel stupid for not understanding/knowing what's going on
• Amount of time spent thinking about essay: constant, except for those 4 days I was in Portugal...then it was only sporadic
• Grade: to be determined... it better be higher than the last one, is all I have to say...I'm working my ass off here.

When will it all end??

Well, hello there.

It's a good thing blogs aren't alive; I think even a goldfish would die after almost four weeks of neglect. I suppose the lack of blogging could be construed as:

• (a) Real life is so wonderfully fulfilling and joyous that I don't feel the need to get on the internet.
• (b) Real life is crappy and as I don't want to come off as incredibly whiny, I refrain from posting.
• (c) Real life is insanely busy and I would rather sleep than blog.

Hint: It's not (a)!

So, February. School has been school, by which I mean it's continuing to be difficult and the profs are becoming increasingly insufferable. The more time I spend here, the more I realize that people here are snobs and quite two-faced. And having spent so much time in (painfully honest) Germany, the whole fake-smile-over-the-top-niceness thing is really annoying. The Brits are polite, I'll give you that, but they definitely don't tell you what they think.

Anyway, there are now two and a half weeks left in the term, then one more term and I'm done. And I'm pretty sure I'll be done after this master's; at this point, I feel the PhD is not for me. Another three years of this place, where it's all about theory and no one has any connection to the real world? No thank you. Though it would be cool to work on a project of my own choosing, and I've got a pretty great one picked out, I'm missing the practicality of the real world. That being said, if anyone wants to grant me full funding to work on this project, I wouldn't be incredibly averse to that, either...

On the employment front, you may recall that I got turned down for that job at the beginning of the month? Well, all the students in the department got an email from the HR people at the CUP two weeks or so later, saying that they 'weren't able to fill the position' and thus had reposted the position. So not only did they not take me, but they would rather hire no one than hire me. Awesome. So that was fun.

I've been kind of half-heartedly searching for jobs since the CUP incident, and have come to the conclusion that this degree will not help me achieve a decent salary range after all. There seem to be some interesting-looking jobs in the NYC and DC areas, which is good, but the cost of living is so high in these places that I'd be living in a shoebox. Not a refrigerator box, mind you, but a shoebox. It's gotten so depressing that I briefly considered going back to MN... because at least I know I'd have a job there and could possibly pay my student loans off before I die. And then I remembered that I left that job for a reason. Moral: A master's degree is apparently not worth it.

In other news, I'm playing in this musical this weekend, and rehearsals have lately been taking over my life. Seriously, these people have been so disorganized it's horrific. Case in point: On Monday, the orchestra call time was 7.40pm and we were supposed to run the show at 8. When I showed up, they hadn't even finished building the stage yet. We didn't start until 11.30pm. Needless to say, we were there until 1am, and again until 1am yesterday. Somehow, I always remember these types of activities as being more fun than they actually are... and of course being in this is preventing me from going to both a boat race and a friend's party this weekend. AND I've invited friends to come see it, but only one or two have actually said they're coming. Dude, if I had real friends here, they'd come see me. (or, perhaps more accurately, I'd force you them to come see me)

See, this is why I haven't posted for so long. On the plus side, though, I've started going to the gym this month, so yay for that. Three times a week, and I've only missed one day so far! I will totally be a supermodel by the time July rolls around. Of course, then I won't be able to afford a vacation at the beach, so it won't matter anyway.

Because it's Friday, my day off...

Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Remus Lupin You're a calm, cool, optimistic person who doesn't dwell on the bad but looks more deeply into the good. You're wise and know much about the world, and though you teach your lessons to others, react humbly when complimented on your intelligence. You've suffered a lot in your life but are extremely accepting of it all and suffer inwardly. You're a great friend to have as you're gentle and caring. Remus Lupin 75% Severus Snape 75% Percy Weasley 69% Albus Dumbledore 69% Neville Longbottom 66% Hermione Granger 66% Draco Malfoy 59% Ron Weasley 56% Oliver Wood 50% Luna Lovegood 50% Bellatrix Lestrange 41% Harry Potter 38% Lord Voldemort 34% Sirius Black 34% Also, happy birthday to Müs! It's even on a Friday this year, how excellent. Also, I did not get the job. Mediocre grade and hopes dashed in the span of one week, hooray. (so much for the 'optimistic person' the quiz describes!)

Relief.

The interview was this morning, and to be honest, I'm trying to figure out what I should say about it. There weren't any warning signs that said "Run away! You shouldn't take this soulless, awful job!" but I didn't have an epiphany, or come to a realization that this is the perfect job for me. If anything, I'm even more uncertain about it; there are some really cool aspects (Working with books for a living! Doing something I like in a field that is interesting! Working for a prestigious organization for what appears to be a decent salary!), but there are also parts of the job that I don't really care for and/or am not very good at (networking, communicating well with others, having to live an ocean away). I kind of wish I had the opportunity to try it out for a few weeks and see how it goes, and then make my decision. I suppose that's the entire point of the "probationary period", but it's tough to leave straight away after that without feeling like a failure. Anyway, I guess that's not my decision to make at this point; the woman with whom I interviewed said that she'd let me know her decision next week.

Here's the weird thing, though: I think the interview went well. (!) All right, not abnormal for most people, but I get really nervous under pressure and freeze up, sounding like I don't know what I'm talking about. This time, they asked me concrete questions I could answer (for the most part), I think my answers went over fairly well, and my experience seems to fit with the job. It's actually rather odd how well this job and I (on paper, at least) match up. But the really strange part is that I wasn't too nervous; I was just thinking, 'Well, I guess I'll just chat with these people and if they like me, great! If not, oh well.' Does this mean I've become (*gasp*)more confident? Does it mean I'm a grown-up? Strange things happen.

That being said, though, I came home after it was over, ate lunch, and totally fell asleep for two hours. Guess it was more stressful than I realized.

Job/school/life update

Hello! Long time, no see! Wow, have I missed having a decent internet connection. Actually, though, it's not that crucial; I can find ways of amusing myself that don't involve facebook, email, or frivolous blog entries. They're just considerably less fun. Without further ado, some updates:

(1) Job: So they contacted me right before I left town, scheduling an interview for tomorrow morning. Luckily (?), I had a huge research paper to write over the vacation, so I didn't stress out about this... too much. And then I turned in my essay, and I realized how little I've prepared for this; sure, I have the nice professional outfit, but that's not too helpful if you don't know WHAT YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION IS. Heh. So I've been doing a bit of that, and they sent me an email today, asking to reschedule, as one of the managers is sick. Since I kind of want this to be over, I'm a bit disappointed, but the rest of me is vastly relieved. Not only do I have a bit more time to research now, but I can finally catch up on my sleep. Jet lag and working like mad on essays have a way of draining you. I'll keep you (all?) posted.
*ETA: Rescheduled for next Wednesday. A whole week to freak out prepare, yay.

(2) School: Exhausting. That essay was almost the death of me... nothing like procrastinating so much that you have to write an 8000-word (25-page) research paper in a week. Heh. I don't recommend it. However, I still got someone to proofread it, and was finished by midnight on Sunday. So really, not that bad, but combine that with jet lag and it's not good. Also, I'm starting to second-guess the essay. Oh well, guess there's not much I can do about that at this point.

Also! I am understanding way more in class than I was last semester! It's pretty great to start out on a good note, unlike last time, when I had no idea what was going on.

(3) Life: Vacation was super, minus the essay. The two weeks of doing nothing were superb: nothing but sleeping, reading interesting (non-class-related!) books, eating delicious food, and broadening my cultural horizons with such film classics as 'Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures.' It was most righteous. It was actually really great to come back, though, to my house as well as to see folks in class. It's kind of like we've all relaxed a bit; maybe because we all know what we're getting into this time, as opposed to in October.

SLEEPING IN TOMORROW, hooray!!

OMG!!!1!one!

Remember that job I applied for back in November?

Well.

I was online this afternoon, procrastinating the hell out of my essay. I happened to be on the CUP website, because I check out their job postings once in a while... just for kicks, you know. My cell phone rings, and "Private number" shows up on the screen; I think it's my uncle from NY, since his number is blocked. Girl with a British accent answers, and I'm a little confused. Oh wait, it's the people with my job application, and the boss will be in on Monday, and can I come for an interview on Monday?

[Internal thought process: Oh, it's the CUP, oh my GOD THEY WANT TO INTERVIEW ME. Yes. Great. Wait, I don't have interview attire. That can be fixed. Monday... the College is renovating our bathroom so I won't be able to take a shower. Uh, slightly problematic. Crapcrapcrap.]

What I say: 'Uh, I'm really sorry but Monday won't work for me.'
CUP: 'The boss will be in on January 8th, how about then?'
Me: 'Oh, I won't be back in the country until the 11th.' [thinking: DAMNIT!!! How can I appear more interested in this job?!]
Me: 'I'll have classes after that, but my Wednesdays and Fridays are free. Otherwise, I can work around my classes, just let me know what time would work.'
CUP: 'I'll have to check with the boss and get back to you.'
Me: 'Okay... sorry Monday wouldn't work!' [thinking: GOD why am I so lame...]

And that, my friends, is how you freak out upon being offered an interview.

But all that aside: THE CUP WANTS TO INTERVIEW ME FOR A JOB OMG!!!!

Essay update II:

Done.

Hey, it's Tuesday! Guess my blog post for today is done.

Essay update:

Words written: 1206
Words remaining: 793
Time logged: whatever it's been since the last time I posted

Time to analyze the semantic use of German alle vs. jede/r/s! Woo!

You know you love NaBloPoMo.

Once more with feeling

Essay status:
Words written: 758
Of those, words that are total crap: 758
Words to go: 1242
Time logged: it feels like an eternity

Shoot me in the face.

ARGH.

WTF, semantics? Why must you hate me so? Why can't you and my brain just get along? Why do I not understand a single thing in this topic?

So I've been reading articles about the difference between 'each' and 'every'. Apparently there's a difference. I don't think there is. Therein lies the problem.

I'm seriously considering not doing this one. It's unassessed, so it won't hurt my grade, though not doing it might make me look bad. Honestly, though, I don't know if this is worth the effort.

Bleurgh.

Two days, two boxes of cookies

So I finished that job application today. And after working on it all day yesterday, it only took me four more hours today. Seriously, this is way too much effort for a job that I probably won't even get and am not entirely sure if I want. Oh well, at least I have a decent an improved resume and a less-vague idea of how to write a cover letter out of the deal.

But now half of my weekend is shot, and I haven't even started that essay on semantics that's due on Tuesday. And if syntax is the bane of my existence, semantics is a mini-bane, syntax's younger sibling, the one who I'm trying really hard to like but we're just on two different wavelengths. Tomorrow is not going to be a fun day.

Also, I've eaten two entire boxes of cookies so far this weekend. Luckily they were the only two that I had, so there's no danger of doing the same thing tomorrow. Unless I stop at Sainsburys...

As if I needed another excuse to procrastinate

OMG I'm on Facebook!!!!1!!one! Haven't done a whole lot with it yet, though, especially because it seems to be ignoring my requests to be added to the university network. However, if you're on Facebook and want to be my friend (what am I, eight years old?), comment away.

In real-life news, I'm totally skipping out on yoga AND the lecture I was supposed to go to tonight. Laaaaaaaaazy. I have been working on my CV cover letter, though, so there's that. It's been kind of a strange experience working on the CV; most of the decent information was already there, but way too much of it. It was obviously a resume that I'd written in college, complete with '2002 Student Marshal!' and 'Tutor, Math and German Workshops!' (albeit without the exclamation points) So the work was mostly in the pruning down to the interesting stuff that's relevant to this job. And now I'm down to a page... amazing when it used to be all I could do to get it into a page and a half. Clearly I've become less interesting as I've gotten older.

Also, the invention of the cover letter is ridiculous. I have no idea what to write. Somehow, I think "I'm awesome and brilliant, please give me this job, thanks!" is not an appropriate way to go.

Only 2 hours until Ceilidh Band tonight! Woo!

Essay update: (wow, aren't these fascinating)

Time logged: almost 2 more hours
Words written: 1998
Words remaining: none!
Status: one more read-through, and Bob's your uncle! (heh) How do you like that ability to stay under 2000 words?

Also, it's only 9.45. Awesome. However, I'll try not to get too complacent until I get this thing back next Monday.

Essay update:

Time logged: another hour
Words written: 1326
Words remaining: 674
Status: I just finished dinner and chatted with Jamie for about an hour... ready to sit down and finish this bad boy. Er, in a minute, after I check my email.

Essay status:

Time logged: 2 hours
Words written: 969
Words remaining: 1031
Status: between 1/2 to 2/3 done, I'd say... in only two hours! If this keeps up, I'll be able to go to bed at a decent hour tonight. Also, I'm feeling way too confident about this, especially since syntax is my worst subject. We'll see what the result is next week...

Kindergarten, first grade and now third grade

So I'm the third grade teacher for the week. They had gotten someone else to do this, but I just found out on Friday that there'd been a change of plans and was I still available. Uh... sure? I'll be one of four (!) adults in the room, but basically I'm in charge of setting the routines and rules and generally laying the smack down. Because that's what I do best.

It's funny how I feel about this; I'm not exactly thrilled, but I'm not dreading it either. Actually, I'm kind of ambivalent about the whole thing. Of course, I did spend about an hour and a half tonight, writing plans to the minute detail (because, again, that's what I do), but I just want it to go well. I've got no personal investment in this class, since I'm leaving in a week; I'm just in it for the paycheck. Is that shallow? Perhaps. But it's saving me a lot of stress. I wonder if teaching is like this for people who do it their entire lives. And I wonder if that's a good or a bad thing.

Anyway, I should go to bed, and brace myself for tomorrow. Just figured I would post these thoughts for posterity.

Interesting development

The school's fairly-recently-hired third grade teacher is coming from Germany, and there are apparently problems with his visa and/or he hasn't gotten his act together to get said visa in time. Workshops start on Monday, and he doesn't have a visa or a plane ticket yet. School stars in just over two weeks.

I was asked today if I'd be willing to sub until he got here.

Just when I think one chapter of my life is over and done, something else comes up.

Just like old times

The Great Storm Of 2007 ^tm has now passed, and there's been no major damage, at least in my immediate vicinity. However, we still have no power, and it's been about a day and a half. This means: no TV, radio, internet, garage door, fridge, freezer, stove, microwave, or coffee. So not only is all of my frozen/refrigerated food going bad, but I can't even get caffeine in the morning! This is bad news. Also, peeing in a windowless bathroom is no treat. Anyway, here I am again, on the Internet at a cafe, having schlepped my laptop a couple of blocks. It's just like old times, when I didn't have Internet or a car at my old place. Ah, nostalgia.

Until recently, I had been working on a curriculum project for school. I had sort of volunteered for it, but I'm getting paid as well. (Let's hope that works out.) I brought it in yesterday, along with all sorts of teacher crap that I've collected over the years at college and while working at the school. It was so nice to get rid of all that stuff! Now I own nothing that ties me to the school, apart from all those files on my computer... it's quite freeing. I did run into a couple of my former students, as well as some other students, and it was great talking with them. They are just so cute! They also seemed relatively happy to see me; at least, they didn't run away screaming, which was also nice. I think the most interesting part was that although I became kind of sad to think that I'd never see or work with these kids again, I was past caring about all the changes/new policies/new ideas that are being implemented at the school this year. And it is wonderful not being in that pre-school-year-stressed-out phase. I suppose it's just further proof that I'm making the right decision.

Also further proof that I'm making the right decision: I got my tentative class schedule in the mail the other day, and it looks fantastic! And by 'fantastic', I mean 'packed and probably harder than anything I've done before, but so interesting in that geeky language-nerd way'. Only I would be excited about something like this.

Oh no... I just realized that I never posted about Müs's MN Adventure. Bullet form will have to do:

• Wednesday: Arrival, walked around a lake in my neighborhood ('You should get out here more often'), watched the news about the bridge collapse, tacos, ice cream
• Thursday: Drove almost 2 hours (one-way!) to visit the SPAM MUSEUM! One of the best museums I've ever seen, and I don't even like Spam. Fantastic. Also: Had some exotic beer at a local pub, bought cheap CDs from a local used CD place
• Friday's theme was '9-year-old birthday party': Science Museum (including Pompeii exhibit), Putt-Putt (aka 'mini-golf'), ate chips and salsa, watched movies and 'The Office' at home
• Saturday: Blueberry pancakes, Capitol building, Cathedral, drove out to Stillwater (local cute little town) to look around and visit a friend of mine
• Sunday: Brunch (mmm), Irish dance (me), being 'that creepy guy' in the park (him), met up with his childhood friend who moved to St. Louis in 8th grade or so, but is now in grad school at the U, watched the late show of 'The Bourne Ultimatum' (which is great, by the way)
• Monday: frantically transferred music from CDs to my computer to his iPod, Müs's departure...chaos then ensued in Chicago and he didn't get home until super late, but I'm sure he'll go off on a tirade on his blog, so keep checking for that.

So there's that. Clearly I am the best hostess ever. You've only got a couple more weeks if you want to come out and visit, so buy your tickets now!

*Edit: After a day and a half and a garbage can full of thawed food from the freezer, the power is back on! Yay!