Day 25

Made it to Jersey; 8 hours in the car never gets any shorter, let me tell you. I've made many long car trips, but it's still long.

Posting for the sake of posting, folks. Nothing to see here. Move it along.

Day 24

At handbell rehearsal tonight, I mentioned that a place I'd interviewed with was flying me out to meet them. One of the other members said, 'Oh, I'll keep my fingers crossed. That happened to me a bunch of times; people flew me out and then they ended up hiring internally.' Uh... great? So I'm a bit less hopeful now, which is maybe a good thing, so I won't get as disappointed if it doesn't work out.

... oh, who am I kidding; I'll be really bummed. Fingers still crossed.

Safe Thanksgiving travels, everyone! I still have to pack..

Day 18

I am currently working on this job application, and it's pretty intensive; it requires a cover letter and resume, three reference letters, transcripts, contact info for references, and 'documentation of superior teaching ability'. Not quite sure what that last one means, but it's optional anyway, so I'm hoping those references will speak for me. Anyway, I've been hammering away at this cover letter for a few days now, and I just don't want to work on it any more. Which is a shame, because it's not quite finished yet... still needs editing. I will (probably) get it done by tomorrow, because that's when the deadline is, but it's killing me right now. Just thought I'd share that with you all.

On a lighter note, did you ever wish you could turn your handwriting into a computer font? You can! It's actually really cool; I've managed to download my own font, but having a bit of trouble getting Word to recognize it.. planning to acquire Open Office so maybe that'll work. But a font made of your handwriting, how cool is that? Especially for you people who have cooler handwriting than I do. (read: not teacher handwriting)

Day 16

This morning, I got ready to use the elliptical machine, as I often do. (or have been for the past month, at least) My iPod is being disagreeable, so I was reduced to listening to the radio, just like every day for the past few days. So I turned on the radio to the random 80's/90's/pretty crappy music station I happened to find, and it was during their commercial break. No surprise there. I started my workout and had just finished the warmup section, when they come back from commercial and start in with the music.

IT WAS CHRISTMAS MUSIC.

WTF, people? It's November 16. It is 50 degrees outside. People are raking leaves, not shoveling snow. The reason we have a Thanksgiving holiday is to delineate the post-Halloween weeks from the official 'holidays' period. I can forgive places like the UK or Germany for pushing the season a bit, but COME ON NOW.

Since I was already 'in the groove', so to speak, I didn't want to stop, get off, find a new station and restart my workout. This resulted in later getting to the hardest part of my routine, towards the end, when I could have used some driving music... and Bing Crosby's 'White Christmas' came on the radio. I wanted to melt to the floor and die. It's a great song, but not at all suited for a high-energy cardio workout, just FYI. I am definitely finding new music tomorrow.

In case you're curious, the song that had the auspicious honor of unofficially kicking off the Christmas season was 'Frosty the Snowman' by the Beach Boys. It's November 16, and we're not off to a great start.

Day 3

It's Election Day, go vote! Or, if you're apathetic about local council races, battles for the sheriff's seat, and pointless referendums (referenda?) on the ballot, celebrate the end of those annoying political commercials. At least until January or so.

In voting news, it seems that we're getting rid of those old metal voting booths with the levers and phasing in a grown-up version of those Scantron tests that every former elementary school student fondly remembers. Apparently, there haven't been any problems so far, but this system seems rather sketchy to me. Last year, I learned from "The Hour" that New York state had the lowest percent of vote miscalculations, because we were the only state still using the old voting machines. (And I wish I could show you the chart here, but I googled to no avail.) So now we have to fill in little bubbles and scan them in.. I can think of any number of ways this could go awry. Let's just hope that no one trips over the power cord.

Hey, I'm sounding more crotchety by the day. Stay tuned for more positive updates, including videos and thoughts on current TV shows that you should be watching but might not have on your must-see list yet.

Still alive

Back by popular demand because I remembered that I have a blog. And it's looking pretty sad and neglected. I may end up shutting this down because I spend inordinate amounts of time on Facebook and have not a whole lot to report. Yet, if something does happen (i.e., I move somewhere awesome and exciting), I'll probably keep it up. So basically I'm indecisive, surprise, surprise.

Speaking of moving somewhere awesome and exciting, a number of applications are currently under review, for jobs in places like Chicago, Boston, Baltimore and places abroad... that's right, I'm looking at spending another year abroad. It's addictive, really. Also, it's not here, so win-win. There's this program that sends folks with Master's degrees in TESOL/applied linguistics (check!) abroad to teach English for a year, and it sounds pretty amazing. Working on one of the projects they have listed would be a pretty big shock, I think; the countries are all underdeveloped (well, that is the point of the program) and some are more anti-American than others, but what an experience that would be. I'm sometimes rather hesitant and not entirely thrilled about schlepping stuff overseas again, but overall it seems genuinely worthwhile. At any rate, we'll see if I make it past the interview stage.

In other news.. Have you ever friended someone on Facebook and then sort of regretted it? I recently found a high school friend and was pretty psyched to get back in contact with her... and then I remembered that I had the feeling that it wasn't entirely an equitable friendship. Looking at her profile has sort of brought back memories of not only that, but of how non-awesome I was in high school. I mean, I'm pretty geeky, but now I revel in my geekiness. (Sort of.) Then, I was also very nerdy, but also insecure and inadequate and sort of wanted to change, but didn't know how to go about it. I guess friending this girl brings me back to those days; although I thought they were far in the past and I'd moved beyond that, here come all those high school memories flooding back.

Lastly, I'm starting to wonder if I've missed the marriage/baby train. Or if there's something in the water. Seriously, what's going on with everyone?

Hear that? It's the sound of my independence being yanked away

Conversation held earlier today:
Me: 'I have a meeting this afternoon at [local high school] with one of my student teachers.'
Dad: 'What time?'
M: '12.30.'
D: 'Well, I'll drop you off, I have to go to the store. I'll pick you up in an hour?'
M: 'O...kay.'

That was me, being dropped off and picked up at the high school, like a high schooler. You'd think the last ten years haven't passed at all.

So much for that "must post more often" sentiment.

Heh. Funny how life can go from "way too busy to update the blog" to "not nearly enough to talk about to update the blog", eh? There hasn't been much of note to report: I'm living at home, in a town where none of my friends live, applying for jobs at places that aren't contacting me back. (thanks, recession!) Oh, and I'm unable to drive, since the car is a stick shift. So I'm pretty much 15 again. Needless to say, it's pretty awesome.

At any rate, I'm thinking of participating in NaBloPoMo again this year, so I guess I'd better start stocking up interesting stories. It'll probably be a month-long slideshow of those pictures that I took while traveling from June to August, because everyone loves looking at pictures from other people's vacations. Stay tuned!

Also, I was randomly thinking (!) the other day that October is practically the pivotal month in my life; it sets the tone for the rest of the year. Forget New Year's, it's all about October first. To wit:

• October 2003: Began teaching English in WB, filling vast amounts of free time with naps and traveling Europe.
• October 2004: Began teaching English in K-Town, met Scottish TAs and began 9-month-long odyssey to try the hot chocolate at every cafe in town. Also, began (near-)weekly Irish pub trips.
• October 2005: Had just begun teaching kindergarten. Work was pretty awful, and continued to be for the entire school year.
• October 2006: Had just begun teaching first grade. Learned to lay down the law for the first few weeks of school, and this turned out fantastic! Also, sent in my application to Cambridge.
• October 2007: Began school year at Cambridge by having a few nervous breakdowns. The rest of the course was intense and zero fun; however, some good times were had in the few minutes between working and feeling guilty for not working.
• October 2008: Lazing around, futilely job searching. Feeling useless and unsuccessful. Also, large amounts of self-pity.

So... let's hope that October 2008 doesn't set the pattern for the upcoming year, shall we?

I would do this in a table, but I don't know how

A Comparative Analysis of Research Essays 1 and 2, In Bullet Point Form

Research Essay #1

• Topic: Critical Period Hypothesis and Second Language Acquisition
• Length: 8000 words
• Timeline: 6 weeks
• Experiment/data analysis required?: no
• Most time spent: at home
• Research: finished in the first 2 weeks
• Writing: all done in the last week
• Contact with supervisor: 4 meetings, total
• Supervisor: helpful and encouraged me to come in
• Amount of time spent thinking about essay: constant while in Cambridge, then forgot about it for 2 weeks when I was at home
• Grade: 65 (solidly average)

Research Essay #2

• Topic: Does Musical Training Affect Musical and Phonological Short-Term Memory? (or something like that)
• Length: 8000 words
• Timeline: 5 weeks
• Experiment/data analysis required?: yes
• Most time spent: in Cambridge
• Research: experiment design = 2 weeks, data collecting = just over a week, data analysis = 4 days (still ongoing), literature review = not started yet
• Writing: not started yet... probably will take place in the last week
• Contact with supervisor: insecure emails sent every 2 or 3 days, which he apparently doesn't read as he doesn't answer any of my questions
• Supervisor: not helpful, makes me feel stupid for not understanding/knowing what's going on
• Amount of time spent thinking about essay: constant, except for those 4 days I was in Portugal...then it was only sporadic
• Grade: to be determined... it better be higher than the last one, is all I have to say...I'm working my ass off here.

When will it all end??

Well, hello there.

It's a good thing blogs aren't alive; I think even a goldfish would die after almost four weeks of neglect. I suppose the lack of blogging could be construed as:

• (a) Real life is so wonderfully fulfilling and joyous that I don't feel the need to get on the internet.
• (b) Real life is crappy and as I don't want to come off as incredibly whiny, I refrain from posting.
• (c) Real life is insanely busy and I would rather sleep than blog.

Hint: It's not (a)!

So, February. School has been school, by which I mean it's continuing to be difficult and the profs are becoming increasingly insufferable. The more time I spend here, the more I realize that people here are snobs and quite two-faced. And having spent so much time in (painfully honest) Germany, the whole fake-smile-over-the-top-niceness thing is really annoying. The Brits are polite, I'll give you that, but they definitely don't tell you what they think.

Anyway, there are now two and a half weeks left in the term, then one more term and I'm done. And I'm pretty sure I'll be done after this master's; at this point, I feel the PhD is not for me. Another three years of this place, where it's all about theory and no one has any connection to the real world? No thank you. Though it would be cool to work on a project of my own choosing, and I've got a pretty great one picked out, I'm missing the practicality of the real world. That being said, if anyone wants to grant me full funding to work on this project, I wouldn't be incredibly averse to that, either...

On the employment front, you may recall that I got turned down for that job at the beginning of the month? Well, all the students in the department got an email from the HR people at the CUP two weeks or so later, saying that they 'weren't able to fill the position' and thus had reposted the position. So not only did they not take me, but they would rather hire no one than hire me. Awesome. So that was fun.

I've been kind of half-heartedly searching for jobs since the CUP incident, and have come to the conclusion that this degree will not help me achieve a decent salary range after all. There seem to be some interesting-looking jobs in the NYC and DC areas, which is good, but the cost of living is so high in these places that I'd be living in a shoebox. Not a refrigerator box, mind you, but a shoebox. It's gotten so depressing that I briefly considered going back to MN... because at least I know I'd have a job there and could possibly pay my student loans off before I die. And then I remembered that I left that job for a reason. Moral: A master's degree is apparently not worth it.

In other news, I'm playing in this musical this weekend, and rehearsals have lately been taking over my life. Seriously, these people have been so disorganized it's horrific. Case in point: On Monday, the orchestra call time was 7.40pm and we were supposed to run the show at 8. When I showed up, they hadn't even finished building the stage yet. We didn't start until 11.30pm. Needless to say, we were there until 1am, and again until 1am yesterday. Somehow, I always remember these types of activities as being more fun than they actually are... and of course being in this is preventing me from going to both a boat race and a friend's party this weekend. AND I've invited friends to come see it, but only one or two have actually said they're coming. Dude, if I had real friends here, they'd come see me. (or, perhaps more accurately, I'd force you them to come see me)

See, this is why I haven't posted for so long. On the plus side, though, I've started going to the gym this month, so yay for that. Three times a week, and I've only missed one day so far! I will totally be a supermodel by the time July rolls around. Of course, then I won't be able to afford a vacation at the beach, so it won't matter anyway.

How not to run an experiment involving participants:

• Let them sit and wait while you finish preparing the computer program.
• Don't make small talk with them or appear at all interested that they are real people outside of your study, and as such, have other things to do.
• Don't tell them about your experiment, what you are studying, how this is interesting, etc.
• Don't give them any directions, just tell them to put on the headphones and follow the instructions on the screen.
• Don't tell them approximately how many questions they will be answering at a stretch, or when they can expect to be done.
• Don't check up on them at all, just let them answer question after question after question after question...
• Keep foisting other tasks upon them, again not giving them warning about how many tasks they'll have to do.
• Make them answer MORE questions, after they've clearly gone through the list already but the computer somehow hasn't stored all the data.
• Make them answer MORE QUESTIONS AGAIN after you and the participant have already agreed on a stopping point.
• Give them a questionnaire at the very end, just when they thought they were finished.
• Ask them to come back next week for another part to the experiment.

Seriously. This is how post-doc research is done? I guess 'PhD' does not equal 'common sense and respect.'

Essay update:

Words written: 1206
Words remaining: 793
Time logged: whatever it's been since the last time I posted

Time to analyze the semantic use of German alle vs. jede/r/s! Woo!

You know you love NaBloPoMo.

Once more with feeling

Essay status:
Words written: 758
Of those, words that are total crap: 758
Words to go: 1242
Time logged: it feels like an eternity

Shoot me in the face.

ARGH.

WTF, semantics? Why must you hate me so? Why can't you and my brain just get along? Why do I not understand a single thing in this topic?

So I've been reading articles about the difference between 'each' and 'every'. Apparently there's a difference. I don't think there is. Therein lies the problem.

I'm seriously considering not doing this one. It's unassessed, so it won't hurt my grade, though not doing it might make me look bad. Honestly, though, I don't know if this is worth the effort.

Bleurgh.

Two days, two boxes of cookies

So I finished that job application today. And after working on it all day yesterday, it only took me four more hours today. Seriously, this is way too much effort for a job that I probably won't even get and am not entirely sure if I want. Oh well, at least I have a decent an improved resume and a less-vague idea of how to write a cover letter out of the deal.

But now half of my weekend is shot, and I haven't even started that essay on semantics that's due on Tuesday. And if syntax is the bane of my existence, semantics is a mini-bane, syntax's younger sibling, the one who I'm trying really hard to like but we're just on two different wavelengths. Tomorrow is not going to be a fun day.

Also, I've eaten two entire boxes of cookies so far this weekend. Luckily they were the only two that I had, so there's no danger of doing the same thing tomorrow. Unless I stop at Sainsburys...

A dilemma

One of my many issues deficiencies personality quirks is that I'm really shy, but tend to latch on to people that I've met once and pretend that we're REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. This helps me believe that I can make friends, it's cool, I'm normal, everything's fine. However, the other person has to make the first move; I'm terrified. Of what, I'm not sure... rejection, perhaps? Anyway, so the problem here (one of many) is that I end up meeting a limited amount of people, with whom I don't really become close friends anyway. Also, I hate walking into a place at which I know no one, sidling up to a group of people, and budging in on their conversation.

The problem here (one among many) is that these are ways that you meet people. I am not really meeting people. I recognize this is my own fault, I know ways of fixing it; I'm just incapable of doing so. And part of me is actually okay with this; hi, my name is Bridget and I'm an introvert. However, this is not helping with the feeling of loneliness that comes and goes, and has been more coming than going recently. Actually, it's been kind of steady throughout the past 2 years; I didn't really make any friends in MN, but at least then I was able to rationalize it as work-related. Now it's just the fact that I'm neurotic.

Help me!

I am totally going through 'Office' withdrawal. I have been reloading this page nearly all day, trying to load episode 2, but it won't work! Fortunately, I could watch the season premiere online last week, but I've now been to three different sites and can't get the newest episode to work on any of them! Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

If anyone can help me out here, you will get chocolate from England. And it is delicious. I'm eating some right now. Mmmm, Cadbury's Dairy Milk.

Car update

Apparently the Blue Book value of my car has depreciated $800 in one day! It was $11,740 when I checked last night, and now it's suddenly worth $10,940. What the hell, man. No wonder it's not selling. Now I have to call the newspaper and edit my ad...what a pain.

Also, my driving experience today was further proof that I need to move somewhere where there is excellent public transportation. (NYC, DC, or ... Europe) Horrific.

State Fair update coming (most likely) tomorrow, as I am too tired and/or stressed out to be coherent right now.

I'll just play violin on the street for money

Out of curiosity (no bitterness, none at all), I was checking out the people who've been awarded that prestigious scholarship I was going for, the one that would have paid for all my costs. There are 48 of them, and I'd say that at least 40 are going into fields that have something to do with science, mostly biochem or molecular biology. Does this seem unfair to anyone? I mean, a big part of this scholarship's application is showing how you intend to help others with the education you'll have received at Cambridge; are they saying that teaching children a second language isn't worthwhile? Granted, it's not curing cancer or anything, but how many people are going to do that? A few, eventually. How many people could be more effective teachers, by reading (my future) research? Hundreds of thousands, immediately. (perhaps that's overestimating just a little...) So I'm a little annoyed at that.

Also, check out where they're from: Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Duke, UPenn. Dude, if you could afford to go to these undergrad schools, then you obviously don't need a scholarship anywhere else. Also (#2), some of these people are from places like Chappaqua, NY. Are you freaking kidding me?! You clearly don't need any extra money.

Or it could just be that I don't run marathons in my spare time, or I'm not smart enough, or I'm not like this guy: '[I] have completed graduate math and physics classes since freshman year at Duke. In addition, I have studied Victorian literature at Oxford, globalization in Geneva, applied math in Budapest, particle physics at CERN and microfinance in rural China.' Good lord:

• (a) I can't compete with that,
• (b) Pompous, what?

Sorry if that's mean. But throw me a frickin' bone here.

Rampant indecision, ahoy!

First of all, someone just came roaring down the street blasting Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody'! Excellent! Party on, Wayne!

Getting back to the task at hand: Have you ever had one of those weeks when you question every decision you make? I haven't had one of those in a while, but this week is apparently one of them. Combined with fairly large decisions being made, this is not the best phenomenon. To wit:

• I sent in my visa application on Monday. There were a number of questions that weren't entirely clear (do they mean the hours I'll be spending in class or the 'full-time student' number of 40 hours per week?), but I filled it out and sent it in anyway. Hopefully they'll give me a visa; it would reeeeeeeeeeally suck if they didn't. Has anyone ever been turned down for a visa who hasn't been a terrorist?
• I also bought flight tickets. I leave out of Rochester (on September 27, in case you wanted to know) and connect in Toronto, where I'll be spending 9 hours. Toronto better have a kick-ass airport, because I will be going nuts. Also, I've decided to come back for Christmas, since I spent the holidays abroad once, and it's not as great as you might think. However, I then talked to Müs, who has colored me crazy for coming back, when I could be spending New Year's in London or some equally fun city. And don't they do some big New Year's thing up in Scotland? So I'm second-guessing this decision, too, although the tickets are non-refundable and therefore it's too late...
• I got a packet of information from my college, explaining what to do upon arrival as well as day-to-day stuff. And this somehow made the whole Cambridge thing sink in. Of course, I immediately thought, 'What am I doing?!' I think I really am crazy. Going into debt, to get a degree that I'm not entirely sure will prove useful, after which I have no clue what to do... who else does this?

I just keep reminding myself that this has been a dream of mine for almost 3 years, and it would truly be a poor choice to give up on your dream. Plus, I'm determined to have an awesome time.

Last, no one is buying my car or my furniture. Damn it.